I Knew I Was Right About This

My distaste of pregnancy has been well documented by those that known me.  Now, I know that fertility issues are a big subject in the blogosphere and my sympathies to those that experience them.  I love babies, and I love my children, but pregnancy is long and unbearable to me.  For many reasons. 

Pregnancy makes me crazy.  I’m a person who doesn’t carry a calendar or date book.  I remember names, faces, phone numbers and birthdays.  But, when I’m pregnant, I can’t remember anything. 

Turns out, I’m not the only one. Of course, this article says that women are more forgetful.  I’ll go further and say that I’m just crazy.

I can’t remember anything. Not if laundry is done, what we had for dinner, or whether the dishwasher needs to be emptied.   I hate it.   On top of weight gain that seems to happen the moment that stick turns blue, my brain cells seem to disappear instantly.  Nine months later, I am still working on figuring out where they all went. 

 

I’m A Lucky Girl

With poise and bravery, Miss Zoot has written about her struggles to stay pregnant. She is in a good place right now and let us know today that she is officially in her second trimester. Dooce wrote a month or so ago about her recent miscarriage.

I’m a lucky girl, and I know it.  I know it, now, anyway.

Caroline, the Bear, was a child whose birth was not planned.  Rather, she was born six months after the Minister of Details and I got married while we were in graduate school.  Pregnancy, for me, was exhausting.  I was sick; I threw up every morning well into my second trimester.  I slept for hours every afternoon, woke up for dinner, and slept again until morning.  I gained over 50 lbs. and was pretty miserable for the entire time.  I gave birth to a 9 lb. 6 oz. baby ten days after my due date.  Lets just say that my mental stability was horribly impaired and, as a result, the MOD’s mental health wasn’t too great either.  BUT, five minutes after it was all over, I knew that I would do it again.  Not anytime soon, but again.

We waited for four years after that to do anything about having another.  I figured that it was the stress of the situation that made the first pregnancy difficult and that all would be gone.  After all, we were happily married, settled, and for the most part financially secure.  So, why as soon as that test comes up positive, am I sick and in bed?  Thats the way that it was.  I can’t explain the constant exhaustion and nausea.  The llama was induced, so as to not chance another huge baby and because of a placenta problem, eleven days before his due date in March 2005.  Again, I had a fabulous birth and I think that there is nothing in the human experience that can possibly compare to giving birth to a baby. Words don’t do it justice, but it is simply fabulous.  And, yes, I do think its more than just the simple fact that the drugs feel good after nine months of sobriety. 

Interestingly, after, I had a bit of the baby blues.  Not a stranger to depression, I experienced some real sadness over the whole situation being over.  Even though while the pregnancy was dragging on, I wanted nothing more than for it to be finished.  We planned on two kids and, although I was very satisfied and happy with that, I just felt like I would be sad not to experience again what, for me, was the best two days of my life.  Hands down.  But, the very practical side of me usually speaks louder than the emotions, and I was certain that two kids was our limit.

What happened next?  Pregnancy.  Unexpected and unplanned in July 2006.  Cue mental health to plummet drastically.  Let me just insert my current thoughts here.  I have let pregnancy beat me, mentally.  I want to be one of those people who can work out, glow, look good in maternity clothes, all those things.  Hell, it would have been great to be able to walk around the house without puking.  There are few things that I have let completely and negatively overrun my life, albeit for a short nine months, but pregnancy is it.  I was crabby, sweaty, and fat.  I wish it had been different, that I would have looked forward to being pregnant; I always wanted children and I was able to have them easily and without a lot of fuss.  But, I guess I couldn’t be that happy person who can look and feel great and eat normal portions of food  And, I guess thats a major shortcoming because my kids are great and they are very healthy and because, save for the annoyances of pregnancy, I was fine.

Our little Bee was born in April 2007 and, again, I had a fantastic experience.  Sometimes I can’t believe that I have her.  That I am lucky enough to have her as well as the other two.  She is still little enough that I don’t threaten to sell her to the gypsies like I do to the others.  I feel TERRIBLE that there are people who so desperately want to have children.   I feel GUILTY that I know that I am not cut out to have a huge mess of kids.   Three is enough and more than I thought that I would ever have.  And, for that, I am lucky.

 

I'm A Lucky Girl

With poise and bravery, Miss Zoot has written about her struggles to stay pregnant. She is in a good place right now and let us know today that she is officially in her second trimester. Dooce wrote a month or so ago about her recent miscarriage.

I’m a lucky girl, and I know it.  I know it, now, anyway.

Caroline, the Bear, was a child whose birth was not planned.  Rather, she was born six months after the Minister of Details and I got married while we were in graduate school.  Pregnancy, for me, was exhausting.  I was sick; I threw up every morning well into my second trimester.  I slept for hours every afternoon, woke up for dinner, and slept again until morning.  I gained over 50 lbs. and was pretty miserable for the entire time.  I gave birth to a 9 lb. 6 oz. baby ten days after my due date.  Lets just say that my mental stability was horribly impaired and, as a result, the MOD’s mental health wasn’t too great either.  BUT, five minutes after it was all over, I knew that I would do it again.  Not anytime soon, but again.

We waited for four years after that to do anything about having another.  I figured that it was the stress of the situation that made the first pregnancy difficult and that all would be gone.  After all, we were happily married, settled, and for the most part financially secure.  So, why as soon as that test comes up positive, am I sick and in bed?  Thats the way that it was.  I can’t explain the constant exhaustion and nausea.  The llama was induced, so as to not chance another huge baby and because of a placenta problem, eleven days before his due date in March 2005.  Again, I had a fabulous birth and I think that there is nothing in the human experience that can possibly compare to giving birth to a baby. Words don’t do it justice, but it is simply fabulous.  And, yes, I do think its more than just the simple fact that the drugs feel good after nine months of sobriety. 

Interestingly, after, I had a bit of the baby blues.  Not a stranger to depression, I experienced some real sadness over the whole situation being over.  Even though while the pregnancy was dragging on, I wanted nothing more than for it to be finished.  We planned on two kids and, although I was very satisfied and happy with that, I just felt like I would be sad not to experience again what, for me, was the best two days of my life.  Hands down.  But, the very practical side of me usually speaks louder than the emotions, and I was certain that two kids was our limit.

What happened next?  Pregnancy.  Unexpected and unplanned in July 2006.  Cue mental health to plummet drastically.  Let me just insert my current thoughts here.  I have let pregnancy beat me, mentally.  I want to be one of those people who can work out, glow, look good in maternity clothes, all those things.  Hell, it would have been great to be able to walk around the house without puking.  There are few things that I have let completely and negatively overrun my life, albeit for a short nine months, but pregnancy is it.  I was crabby, sweaty, and fat.  I wish it had been different, that I would have looked forward to being pregnant; I always wanted children and I was able to have them easily and without a lot of fuss.  But, I guess I couldn’t be that happy person who can look and feel great and eat normal portions of food  And, I guess thats a major shortcoming because my kids are great and they are very healthy and because, save for the annoyances of pregnancy, I was fine.

Our little Bee was born in April 2007 and, again, I had a fantastic experience.  Sometimes I can’t believe that I have her.  That I am lucky enough to have her as well as the other two.  She is still little enough that I don’t threaten to sell her to the gypsies like I do to the others.  I feel TERRIBLE that there are people who so desperately want to have children.   I feel GUILTY that I know that I am not cut out to have a huge mess of kids.   Three is enough and more than I thought that I would ever have.  And, for that, I am lucky.