Keeping Myself Honest

It hasn’t been easy lately, but I’m trying to dig myself out of this funk I’ve been in lately that has suppressed most of my energy and all of my creativity.  My funk has been self-induced and, although I’ve been telling myself that its only effect has been on me, the truth is that I’ve rubbed off on the people around me.  Unfortunately.  So, here we are on February 3 and my New Year’s Resolutions are on my mind everyday.

The most notable thing to share is that I’ve decided, as part of my resolution to volunteer more, to take my children once  a month to do some kind of good deed that will help people less fortunate than us.  Coming up with these good deeds is another story.  Because, honestly, a bystander watching me try to go out in public with an eight year old, a three year old, and a temperamental one and half year old in the name of service probably thinks of himself as MUCH more fortunate than I am and to go home and do us all a favor.

But the Super Benevolent Dictator WILL NOT be dissuaded by naysayers.  The BD laughs at them!

And at herself, as she tried to wrangle three kids, three bags of food, and a hot cup of coffee (some of which ended up on her sweater) through the doors of a local food bank.  Where there didn’t seem to be any people.  Where there did seem to be an abundance of massive shelves filled with massive Costco sized quantities.  Where my three little bags of food filled with normal boxes of pasta and hot chocolate were dwarfed by 8759 ounce sized jars of mayonnaise.

I think my three beasts were more disappointed by not actually getting to hand over their bags that they dragged from the car to, you know, the less fortunate themselves.

But, it was our first try and, all things considered, it went well.  The beasts got a taste of the idea that life is more than happy meal toys and playdates.  Next month, we’ll try again.  These days, especially, it’s good to remember how much we have and that we’re better off taking care of our neighbors.

 

Can’t We All Get $25 Billion?

I’ve been grumpy, sad, and irritated lately and I wonder how much of it to put on this blog. Then, I remember that this is my place to vent and so it goes again:

My old job has come back to haunt me. Every few months, there’s a story so heinous that it keeps me up at night, just like my old job as a supervisor in a child welfare agency did most nights. Last night, I was up because of this one and sleep continued to evade me because of this.

I saw a lot during my three years working in foster care. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. The Good is pretty minimal, but once in awhile there’s a great moment when all the stars align themselves properly. The Bad & the Ugly are much more prevalent and, let me tell you, when it’s bad, its bad. Not one social worker that I’ve ever met spent years in school to graduate in order to do crappy work, but the system is severely broken that at times it matters very little how hard you work.

No, it’s the system that is chronically flawed beyond repair and the two examples above are but two events that happen regularly. I wish that I knew what to do, but I don’t.

Perhaps my anger and sadness the past two days has been exacerbated by this. Why is our government so ready to throw 25 billion dollars at companies that for the most part make sub par products and are run by unions? I understand that the effects of bankruptcies are massive, with millions of jobs lost and therefore millions of tax revenue lost. People bitch about government programs that don’t work all the time, and you could add this one to the list as $25 billion is likely to be but one drop in a big old bucket.

However, I’d take a wager on the fact that $25 billion dollars pumped into our schools and the foster care system would go a very long way into making some of those programs work. In addition to taking care of our children in the way that should be expected of the richest nation on Earth, imagine the amazing consequences if we gave all those kids a fighting chance. The possibilities would be endless, and the tax benefits would be but one way to measure the successes that may result.

So, like those Big Three executives who flew into DC on their corporate jets, I’d like my chance to get before Congress and ask for a piece of the 700 billion dollar pie. I’d even drive my Toyota. Just a thought.

 

Can't We All Get $25 Billion?

I’ve been grumpy, sad, and irritated lately and I wonder how much of it to put on this blog. Then, I remember that this is my place to vent and so it goes again:

My old job has come back to haunt me. Every few months, there’s a story so heinous that it keeps me up at night, just like my old job as a supervisor in a child welfare agency did most nights. Last night, I was up because of this one and sleep continued to evade me because of this.

I saw a lot during my three years working in foster care. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. The Good is pretty minimal, but once in awhile there’s a great moment when all the stars align themselves properly. The Bad & the Ugly are much more prevalent and, let me tell you, when it’s bad, its bad. Not one social worker that I’ve ever met spent years in school to graduate in order to do crappy work, but the system is severely broken that at times it matters very little how hard you work.

No, it’s the system that is chronically flawed beyond repair and the two examples above are but two events that happen regularly. I wish that I knew what to do, but I don’t.

Perhaps my anger and sadness the past two days has been exacerbated by this. Why is our government so ready to throw 25 billion dollars at companies that for the most part make sub par products and are run by unions? I understand that the effects of bankruptcies are massive, with millions of jobs lost and therefore millions of tax revenue lost. People bitch about government programs that don’t work all the time, and you could add this one to the list as $25 billion is likely to be but one drop in a big old bucket.

However, I’d take a wager on the fact that $25 billion dollars pumped into our schools and the foster care system would go a very long way into making some of those programs work. In addition to taking care of our children in the way that should be expected of the richest nation on Earth, imagine the amazing consequences if we gave all those kids a fighting chance. The possibilities would be endless, and the tax benefits would be but one way to measure the successes that may result.

So, like those Big Three executives who flew into DC on their corporate jets, I’d like my chance to get before Congress and ask for a piece of the 700 billion dollar pie. I’d even drive my Toyota. Just a thought.

 

Perceiving vs. Judging

Back in graduate school, I studied a bit about the Myers-Briggs Personality Test. Most people have heard of it…you take it, the test is scored and you’re labeled with one of sixteen possible types described by four letters.

You can be either:

• An I for Introverted or E for Extroverted
• An N for iNtuitive or S for Sensing
• A T for Thinking or F for Feeling
• A J for Judging or P for Perceiving

When I took this in grad school (and I took it several times to gauge it’s reliability), I had a strong, definite result. I ran across the test results recently and was interested to see if I had changed at all, according to MB. So, I took this quick, easy (and free!) version and it seems I’ve changed.

Back in about 1999, I was an ENFP which seems to mean that I like people and ideas a lot, but that I wasn’t particularly good at following through with stuff. That was pretty much true. I’ve done the test a few times over the course of the past week or two, and my new result is pretty close to the old…but I’ve changed in my “P” for a “J” leading me to ENFJ. Apparently now, I am better at following through with projects and also my kitchen and desk are probably straight all of which are true.  Except for the desk part.  That could be neater.

I like these results, because they really just say that I am a Damn Nice Person.  That’s true a lot, but like anyone else I have my moments.  While the MOD & I were out last night celebrating his birthday, we were discussing the not so pleasant aspects of aging.  His contribution to the conversation was the fact that his knees ache every morning due to excessive basketball playing.  Looking for something more substantive, I said that when I get anxious (which seems to happen pretty often these days) that my anxiety makes me bitter.  And that bitterness makes me even more obsessive.

So I Need To Let It Go.  Especially since most of it isn’t that important anyway.

So anyhoo (hi Denise), take the test.  If you’ve taken it before, have you changed?  If this is your first time, do you think the results are accurate?  Achy joints notwithstanding, do you think you’re changing as you age?

 

No More Politics, Just Good Culinary Space

All this political talk has made my head hurt, so I’m sitting here eating leftover Chinese with the following in mind: people are complex, issues are gray, and religion is best when kept personal.

To show some goodwill towards those of you tired of politics, I thought I’d share some photos of our new kitchen. October was a hard month, but its over now and the members of my household can expect great things to come from here. But…check out the before…

And, after…it’s so much better. Got to keep stimulating that economy.

 

It’s Monday, November 3, 2008

It’s almost the end of the road and, as endings are…its bittersweet. But, I’ll celebrate as I watch the returns tomorrow night with a good dinner and a better bottle of wine.

I like politics even though some people consider that to be odd- so I’ll miss the process.

What won’t I miss? Well, I guess most everything else: constant polling, dirty campaign tactics, and general bad manners. I think that our two candidates have mostly kept their vows to be civilized, but it’s their supporters who I’m most tired of.

The excitement that’s been generated over the course of this campaign has been palatable. Everyone seems to have an opinion. While that’s a good thing, it seems to have made us completely intolerant of each other. Having an actual exchange of ideas seems to have gone by the wayside in exchange for hitting each other over the head with our ideas with the expectation that we’ll change someone’s mind.

I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had with people in real life and via this blog where people question “how can you think that” or “are you really considering voting for him?” It’s come from both sides. I write this because I’m not some extreme thinker, but because I consider myself pretty middle of the road which continues to get me into trouble. It all started in graduate school where I was getting my master’s degree in social work. I wasn’t liberal enough for that program, but it seems that in my family I’m too liberal. I remind myself often that the “middle” is an artificially created space made by two massively flawed parties.

Perhaps this current phenomenon of the polarizing ideas running around in society can be traced back to our sitting president. After all, the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue has been a main proponent of the its my way or the highway, your either with us or against us philosophy. It’s hard to say.

I’ve watched every moment of all the debates, read most anything I could, fact checked, and watched my #2 guy Anderson Cooper break it all down. I don’t think that John McCain is a bad guy nor do I think that he would be a bad president. I don’t happen to agree with him on lots of issues..big ones like our war. But, I refuse to use any one issue become the overall decision maker. Despite what many people say, I don’t think that his choice of running mate was a bad one- on the contrary, the most energy that McCain’s campaign ever had was due to Sarah Palin- for better or for worse. I was glad to see a woman on the ticket, but at the end of the day, voting based on gender or race is wrong so if they were trying to win my vote based on Sarah Palin’s gender…that tactic failed.

And, I’ve cast my ballot. It’s been a surprisingly long campaign, and I’m tired.

Whatever happens tomorrow, it’ll be over. So, here’s my vote as a married, 30 something, stay at home mom, advanced degreed, Catholic, hard bodied (anyone actually reading?), upper middle class…according to Wikipedia (don’t read too much into it), Independent voter. I think, for the first time in my voting life, that I’ve voted for the person that’ll win.

 

It's Monday, November 3, 2008

It’s almost the end of the road and, as endings are…its bittersweet. But, I’ll celebrate as I watch the returns tomorrow night with a good dinner and a better bottle of wine.

I like politics even though some people consider that to be odd- so I’ll miss the process.

What won’t I miss? Well, I guess most everything else: constant polling, dirty campaign tactics, and general bad manners. I think that our two candidates have mostly kept their vows to be civilized, but it’s their supporters who I’m most tired of.

The excitement that’s been generated over the course of this campaign has been palatable. Everyone seems to have an opinion. While that’s a good thing, it seems to have made us completely intolerant of each other. Having an actual exchange of ideas seems to have gone by the wayside in exchange for hitting each other over the head with our ideas with the expectation that we’ll change someone’s mind.

I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had with people in real life and via this blog where people question “how can you think that” or “are you really considering voting for him?” It’s come from both sides. I write this because I’m not some extreme thinker, but because I consider myself pretty middle of the road which continues to get me into trouble. It all started in graduate school where I was getting my master’s degree in social work. I wasn’t liberal enough for that program, but it seems that in my family I’m too liberal. I remind myself often that the “middle” is an artificially created space made by two massively flawed parties.

Perhaps this current phenomenon of the polarizing ideas running around in society can be traced back to our sitting president. After all, the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue has been a main proponent of the its my way or the highway, your either with us or against us philosophy. It’s hard to say.

I’ve watched every moment of all the debates, read most anything I could, fact checked, and watched my #2 guy Anderson Cooper break it all down. I don’t think that John McCain is a bad guy nor do I think that he would be a bad president. I don’t happen to agree with him on lots of issues..big ones like our war. But, I refuse to use any one issue become the overall decision maker. Despite what many people say, I don’t think that his choice of running mate was a bad one- on the contrary, the most energy that McCain’s campaign ever had was due to Sarah Palin- for better or for worse. I was glad to see a woman on the ticket, but at the end of the day, voting based on gender or race is wrong so if they were trying to win my vote based on Sarah Palin’s gender…that tactic failed.

And, I’ve cast my ballot. It’s been a surprisingly long campaign, and I’m tired.

Whatever happens tomorrow, it’ll be over. So, here’s my vote as a married, 30 something, stay at home mom, advanced degreed, Catholic, hard bodied (anyone actually reading?), upper middle class…according to Wikipedia (don’t read too much into it), Independent voter. I think, for the first time in my voting life, that I’ve voted for the person that’ll win.

 

A Good Hair Day

For the second day of NaBloPoMo, I meant to write a kick ass post full of interesting chat and wit.  Something this blog has been sadly in need of lately.

But no go.

Because I have to write a mini tribute to the Bear: my eight year old little girl who has been growing out her hair to donate to Locks of Love.  She’s been impatient lately to get her mop chopped off and waited until after Halloween so that she could use her massive head of hair to have extra witch-y hair.  Which she had.  It was black and knotty and it left a ring of grossness around the bathtub when we washed it all out.

But today was the day and she was pretty excited.

The lady who cut the Bear’s hair was so kind and told her how special she was for thinking about kids undergoing medical treatment who lose their hair.  She told the Bear how those kids feel funny about going to school and sometimes get teased.  Then, the lady told us about her own son who died of cancer when he was sixteen.

The Bear was really good about the whole process and had eleven inches cut off her hair.  It looks really lovely and grown up in a very sophisticated bob worthy of Posh herself.  When I took this picture and asked the Bear to hold her ponytail, I realized that something was wrong.

She waited until we got outside to cry.  But then she did.  All the way home.  She says that she misses her hair and that it doesn’t look good short.

I’ve tried to tell her that with those eyes and that grin that she is so beautiful and that she did something so very unselfish.  I’m not sure if she’s coming around or not,  but I’m really proud of her.  She is such a good girl.

 

Mean People Suck

So this morning I was sitting out on the Starbucks patio drinking coffee with two friends enjoying probably the last fall morning that it’ll be warm enough to sit outside.

Between the three of us, there were three kids.  It’s a large patio and we were the only ones sitting outside.  The kids were being good- dancing around…splitting their time between coloring at the table beside us and circling the trees planted on the patio.  A man walked up, dressed like he’d just been to the gym…a normal looking, regular guy.  Just then, Bee (age 1 1/2) toddled over and got between him and the door into Starbucks.

Before I could get her out of the way, we heard him SHOUT at her.  “Move!”  “Get Out’ve the Way!”

Like she’s a dog.

I scooped her up and out of the way and my heart was pounding.  My friends were sitting there, mouths open and eyes wide.

What kind of person yells at a baby for something that inconvenienced them for less than 20 seconds?

The guy was either someone in serious need of caffeine or a sociopath.  I can’t decide which, but it’s been bothering me all morning.   What’s wrong with people?

Today’s Workout: 20 min elliptical, 60 crunches, 30 min leg exercises/weights, & 10 min stairstepper.

 

General Pop Culture Nonsense

• Why am I strangely sad that the Mr. Clean guy died? I don’t use that product, I can’t really get a clear picture of the guy’s face in my mind, and I generally don’t think that most men can pull off the white tee/ earring/bald head look.
• I really think that Madonna must be one of the strangest people on Earth.  It’s the whole chicken/egg thing.  Is it just the way that she is or did fame make her that way?  Or Kabbalah?

• I read this weekend that Bill Murray’s character in What About Bob? said, and I’m paraphrasing here, that there are two kinds of people in the world: Those who love Neil Diamond and everyone else. Which one are you? I have to admit that I so just want to use the new “poll” button feature on WordPress.