What the Dooce, Part II

Thanks to Jessica, for helping me out with a link to dooce’s appearance on yesterday’s Today show.

I think that I love Heather even more than I did before. She’s cute, and that’s not a word that I would have thought to use to describe her.

Having read her blog for a number of years now, she seems to describe herself in prickly terms. Of course, she was all TV ready, but still. She has just a trace of that Tennessee accent left over, and being out here in Utah, I miss it (so much so that much to the MOD’s chagrin, I will talk to any stranger wearing an SEC T-Shirt or with any hint of any accent below the Mason-Dixon line.)

Anyway, Heather came off as warm and interesting, and I think that I love her.

Heather, if you’re out there, I’ll still buy you that drink!

 

What The Dooce?

Not for lack of trying, I have been unable to find dooce’s piece on the Today show. Did the Utah affiliate not air the fourth hour of Today? Does anyone watch the Today show for four hours? Maybe its the tivo, I don’t know.

Anyway, I was really hoping to catch it as it seems that the Armstrongs have gotten a lot of press lately and I have not actually seen any of it. But, it seems that certain citizens of the blogosphere have gotten some of their feathers ruffled over the Wall Street Journal’s speculation that Heather could make up to $40,000 in monthly ad revenues.

Certainly, I am a recent convert to blogging, but I am a long time reader of Heather’s blog.

And, it was all an accident-I didn’t know at the time that she was pretty much the pioneer of the woman/mommyblog movement. Someone that I had recently met, back in late 2004, told me to check it out- that she was a stay at home mom writing about living in Utah as an ex-Mormon. I was new to Utah and just thought I’d see what it was all about. So, dooce became the first blog that I ever read regularly.

Turns out I had a lot in common with Heather. She and I both graduated from high school the same year in the state of Tennessee. We both had little girls and we both lived in Salt Lake City. Among other things. I thought her take on being an ex-Mo was interesting.

Score! Friend for me. I left her comment after comment.

Work with me here. I’m no stalker, but I did email her and tell her that we should get together and get a drink sometime. I didn’t know that she is perhaps the most famous, recognizable face in the blog world.

Needless to say, she never emailed me back.

So, why are there so many sour grapes about her making money? Isn’t that we all aspire to do? To do something so well that someone wants to pay us for our efforts. Do what you love, love what you do, and you’ll be successful. Yadda, yadda, yadda, etc, etc.

Haven’t we all heard that one?

She’s great at what she does- writing. Doesn’t she deserve to do well? I’ve read a lot of her blog. I’ve never really understood her fascination with Radiohead, but whatever. Its her blog and her life and she’s a human being. It all hasn’t come easily or overnight.

When she started her blog with the post about Carnation milk whenever it was, like seven years ago, I highly doubt that she thought, “I’m gonna do this because one day I’ll make a lot of money.”

She lost her job because of her blog.

But, she’s good at it and kept on doing it. In doing so, she helped shape the world of the mommyblog, but she didn’t know it at the time. She was just posting her stuff, her well written stuff, on the internet.

Not to be all Pollyanna like on the subject, but I take Heather’s success to remind me to DO SOMETHING! DO SOMETHING THAT YOU LIKE AND DO IT WELL.

Who knows what kinds of doors will open as a result?

 

These are a Few of my Favorite Things

Originally uploaded by benevolentdictator

On a cool spring Utah morning, what is a mom to do with 45 minutes after dropping off a toddler at Speech Therapy?

The liquor store with a baby, baby.

These bottles are just a sample of the items that I procured this morning, but feel free to admire my shiny new University of Tennessee non cork cork courtesy of my lovely friend Denise.

 

Letter to the Weather

Dear Snow that Fell on my Front Yard Last Night,

In case you didn’t know, today is May 1, 2008.

That means that you are too late for this year. Spring began over five weeks ago, and you are too late. I have moved on with another season called Spring. So far the relationship has been slow and fleeting, but I’ve gotten out my sleeveless tops and sandals. We bought a new grill.  I am ready to put you behind me, and so are all the lovely flowers that I planted on Saturday- back when it was 75 degrees out.

Spring, and eventually Summer, and I have lots of plans to get to. Swimming and beach trips, that kind of thing. I am sure that you understand. So get the hell off my grass.

I’ll see you next December and not before.

Love,

The BD

 

FLDS Raid in Texas

The situation involving the children of the Fundamental Latter Day Saints has captured my attention for the past month, and its been rolling around in my head as I’ve been trying to get my thoughts sorted out on it.

Its a timely topic around here for several reasons.

First, I live in Salt Lake City, and no matter how much the mainstream church wants to deny association with its renegade counterpart, its impossible. Just like Salt Lake City is synonymous with the LDS church… the LDS Church has not been able to shed the image of the FLDS church and the questions of polygamy that follow. Notice all the lawyers for the sect are based in SLC? Plus, it seems that our local media , some of which is LDS church owned, has decided to camp down there. Secondly, I have read volumes on the LDS religion. Third, my professional and educational background involve Child Protective Services.

Back in 2004/2005, just after we moved to Utah, the news was full of footage showing the speed with which the big white temple was being built in the area outside of El Dorado, TX. The locals that were interviewed showed all kinds of shock and skepticism about what exactly was happening in their little corner of big old Texas. In 2006, Warren Jeffs was captured and later on tried and convicted of rape as an accomplice- for his part in marrying off underage girls to much older men. Being in Utah means that stories of women who have escaped from the polygamous towns and those boys referred to as the “Lost Boys” are regular features on the news and in the papers. So, what of it now?

Cries that first amendment rights are being trampled and sympathy ploys from women whose children have been separated from there are all over the place.

My thoughts? I’m not buying it.

Who’s protecting the rights of those teenage girls who are married off at 13 and have one, two, or more children by age 19? Who’s protecting the rights of the boys that are turned out of the sect and into the desert by age 15? Certainly not the mothers who believe that its their duty to obey. With obedience to their husband, they may be invited by him to join him in the Celestial Kingdom in the afterlife.

As a parent, you have a duty to protect your children. With rights, come responsibility.

What about the stories that have come from the women who have left the FLDS sect? The stories of the methods that the fathers of these children use to instill fear and respect chill me to the bone. One woman told of her husband holding tiny babies under water until they went limp so that the baby would learn to fear his father. Its disgusting.

As for the first amendment rights being trounced on? There are all kinds of “fringe” religious sects. Scientology, Amish & Mennonite communities, etc. I don’t see Arnold Schwarzenegger knocking on Tom Cruise’s door. And, if the FLDS adult members want to practice polygamy, great. As long as the tax payers aren’t paying for it and there aren’t underage kids messed up in it, let them do it hanging from the chandeliers in that temple. Whatever.

I do have sympathy for those women. These women are taught from an early age that their lifelong duties will revolve around childbearing and rearing and to have that taken away must be devastating. It would be terrible to not know where and by whom your child is being cared for.

But, these women are going to have to make some kind of choice, and I hope that they choose safety for their children.

I have a lot more to say about all this, but this is it for now.

 

Wordless Wednesday

Bubbles on a Sunny Afternoon

Originally uploaded by benevolentdictator

 

What to Do When Your Child’s Friends Are Naughty?

I’ll preface all of this by saying that I know that the Bear is not a perfect child. I’ll get downright descriptive and say that she can be whiny and pouty, and we have had the occasional fib problem.

But, I don’t have any worries that she will go to a friend’s house and be blatantly disrespectful to any of her friends’ parents.

Here’s the scoop. She had a few friends over the other day, and they were playing downstairs in the playroom. I went down to check on them a few times and found that the entire basement looked like a Category 5 storm had gone through it. Which is fine, because they’re kids. However, I made it clear that they were all expected to clean it up before they moved on to something else. They all came up a little while later saying that they wanted to play upstairs. I reminded them they needed to straighten up and so they all went back down only to return a few minutes later saying that it was all finished. One of the girls had had toys out in the downstairs bedroom, and I asked her if she had cleaned them up.

She looked straight at me and said, “yes.” At that moment, I knew she was lying. They all went outside, and I went to check the toy situation. All the toys in the bedroom were still there. Straight up lying.

A while later, the kids came in to see me and asked if they could play on the computer. I had just put the Llama and the Bee down for their naps and I said no that they needed to play downstairs or outside because the kids were asleep.

The same girl that lied to me before looked at me and said, “OK, well, can we get all your bras out and look at them?” I had had it. I said, “EXCUSE ME?” The Bear and one of her other friends eyes got huge. A boy giggled. One of the other girls took her hand and put it over the first girl’s mouth.

“Please repeat what you just said, ” I said. She said it again, pretty deviously and obviously proud of herself for rattling me and getting the other kids’ attention.

I took a deep breath and said, “No you may not. There’s nothing wrong or dirty about a bra. Its something that grown up ladies wear. But, that’s a pretty disrespectful and inappropriate question to ask and just bad manners. GO PLAY.”

I can’t decide what I’m most mad about. Lack of manners? Lack of boundaries? The fear that my own child could go to someone else’s house and be, simply, uncouth?

What would you do?

 

As Ben Folds Would Put It, Shit I’m Old. Shit.

Back in the day, I was an extreme concert goer. I have seen probably 80 or so shows, but with lots of repeats. Grateful Dead times three, Indigo Girls at least eight times, and Dave Matthews Band at least 21, 897 times. Since our move to Utah, the subsequent birthing of two children has put a serious dent in my concert going.

Anyway, last night, I saw one of my perennial favs, Ben Folds, for at least the fifth time. He always plays a great show, and he is among the best at interacting with the audience. Not to mention that he can make the piano sing like no one else.

All while dropping the f-bomb. A lot, and with style.

This would be about the time that the Mormon lovebirds next to me would stop swaying long enough so that the very young husband could cover his very young wife’s ears so that the sounds of swearing would not cross the blood-brain barrier.

If you know Ben Fold’s music, you know that the ear covering happened pretty often.

Concerts have changed quite a bit in the past few years. Some I attribute to Utah (no more smoky halls). But some can only be the change of times. The passing of the torch, yadda yadda yadda.

Its only that that can explain the fact that there are no more raised lighters during a particularly poignant moment. Nope, look around and all you will see is a mass of lit cell phones swaying back and forth in the dark.

I have no idea of Lynard Skynard tours anymore or if they’re actually still living but what would they think of a stadium full of lit LCD screens waving at them during Freebird?

 

Crazy Chic Is Not Me

There’s a certain diaper rash cream commercial that I’ve overheard as I go about my morning routine.

It really irks me.

In it, the voice over talks about the side effects of untreated diaper rash and says, (insert mournful, yet urgent tone) “Infection. That’s right. Infection.” It’s amazing to me that emphasizing that one word can strike fear in the hearts of American moms everywhere.

Either the generation of educated, hip mothers who are raising children alongside me have gotten really dumb or these baby product marketing people are geniuses.

I’m going with option #2 because they’re targeting the generation of moms who have now made compulsive parenting a chic phenomenon.

That’s right. Its not just acceptable, but its cool to be an obsessive parent. And, apparently, the crazier you are about revising all your recipes to include kid friendly ingredients, the cooler you are. A whole group of moms formerly educated and free thinking must now consult Parenting magazine to figure out how to get their kids to sleep through the night and run right down to the store to pick up that very special diaper rash cream with the very special ingredient to prevent infection.

Woe to those who would actually feed their kids pasta and sauce with a red pepper in it.

And those of us who do are considered slacker moms, I guess.

But I’m not. In spite of that fact that I abhor most things antibacterial, my house is generally clean most of the time. Bedtimes and homework times and a general organization is observed. I worry about the Big Things like the mean girl syndrome and the nasty messages little girls send each other. A fatal catastrophe will probably not result in taking my kids to a family function where a cousin may have a runny nose. I don’t worry that an occasional run through the drive through will result in an obese kid. The message that the MOD and I send when we go out for a run or keep up a healthy diet is a far better habit than worrying about the potentially drastic contents of a Happy Meal.

Long term issues occupy my mind: like raising kids with good manners and the ability to make good choices rather than the possibility that their cognitive ability may just be impacted down the line if they watch that episode of Blue’s Clues. Or how to downplay all the BUY ME NOW! messages that kids get in our extremely disposable world. Trying to explain to the Bear why we cannot just head off to Target anytime something breaks, spills, or otherwise disappears could be considered a part time hobby around here.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe the Bee will get a diaper rash which will lead to an infection which will interfere with her 12 month old self esteem and she’ll end up being a 21st century follower of the ideologies of the Manson family. Maybe the Llama will continue to chant Bow Chicka Wow Wow until he ends up being a consultant to the porn industry. Perhaps the Bear will idolize Paris Hilton.

Who knows? But if I go crazy, it will be a MUCH better reason- lack of good red wine available in Utah stores. Sorry. Listening to that Colbie Caillait song- AGAIN. Sorry. Discussing politics with my libertarian friend. I give up. Maybe I’m already there.

UPDATE: This must be on lots of people’s minds because I found this right after I published this entry. With much more style than I can muster, she describes my feelings exactly! So, why is every commercial aired during the am hours selling some kind of antibacterial cleaning product?

 

College Eating Made Simple?

bee&ramen

Originally uploaded by benevolentdictator

The odd fixation continues…my kids have a weird obsession with ramen noodles.